She doesn't know how to describe it.. it's not a feeling of depression. But lonesome? Maybe... yes. She's not upset though, not entirely at least. She's happy, on the outside, only because she smiles. But.. can anyone see right through her? Can anyone read deep in her eyes, down in her heart? Not likely. Her past.. some know. You could say the ones she trusts, but, there's not many these days. She trusts.. not many, she believes.. even less.
She's been battered and burned. Lied to and cheated. But internally. These bruises she hides, they're formed over her heart. In her mind, and in her soul. Not one person, can see her pain. But there's a new pain, she's discovered, something that makes her feel calm.
Her eyes brighten at the flicker of the flame. Her lips curve into a slight grin, softening her expression even more. She purses her lips, letting out a gentle blow making the flame disappear. Her thumb cracks as she lights the lighter once again. The faint smell of smoke drifts into her nostrils. She lifts the lighter close to her wrist, the heat licking her skin. Carefully, she moved her wrist through. No feeling. She brings the lighter closer, running the flame over the bone. Then burn slowly begins to seep into her skin. She pulls away quickly, her eyes widening. A huffed breath leaves her lungs, her eyes casting down to her reddened wrist. Another click, and the flame returns. She presses her lips together tightly, a small muffling moan filling her throat. Feeling the burn, nothing else matters, nothing else is there.
Just her, her lighter, her burns, and something to cover the pain..