About Me

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Hi, I'm Jac. I'm really bad at these things because I never know what to write about myself. Some main things are just... I'm loud I complain I like to argue I'm optimistic I talk a lot, but I listen just as well. I watch too many movies, probably cause I'm lazy. I'm sarcastic, so I apologize in advance

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Something To Cover The Pain - 09082010

She doesn't know how to describe it.. it's not a feeling of depression. But lonesome? Maybe... yes. She's not upset though, not entirely at least. She's happy, on the outside, only because she smiles. But.. can anyone see right through her? Can anyone read deep in her eyes, down in her heart? Not likely. Her past.. some know. You could say the ones she trusts, but, there's not many these days. She trusts.. not many, she believes.. even less.

She's been battered and burned. Lied to and cheated. But internally. These bruises she hides, they're formed over her heart. In her mind, and in her soul. Not one person, can see her pain. But there's a new pain, she's discovered, something that makes her feel calm.


Her eyes brighten at the flicker of the flame. Her lips curve into a slight grin, softening her expression even more. She purses her lips, letting out a gentle blow making the flame disappear. Her thumb cracks as she lights the lighter once again. The faint smell of smoke drifts into her nostrils. She lifts the lighter close to her wrist, the heat licking her skin. Carefully, she moved her wrist through. No feeling. She brings the lighter closer, running the flame over the bone. Then burn slowly begins to seep into her skin. She pulls away quickly, her eyes widening. A huffed breath leaves her lungs, her eyes casting down to her reddened wrist. Another click, and the flame returns. She presses her lips together tightly, a small muffling moan filling her throat. Feeling the burn, nothing else matters, nothing else is there.

Just her, her lighter, her burns, and something to cover the pain..

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Home For Christmas (Oct)

I had to write a poem of short essay for english. It was for remembrance day and well, this is what I came up with.

"Dearest Mother, oh please don’t cry
Down in this trench, how hard I try
Bent on my knees I’m ripped and worn
You sit at home and watch my family, so torn.

Before you left, I said one last note
Something, I think, gave too much hope
‘I’ll be home for Christmas’ and left with no clue
That this is my last letter I write to you.”

Doubled over to the ground, his body pained
His face covered with mud and tears left stained
Scared eyes scan the earth searching for a soul
But the though crossed his mind, there was no loophole.

He pushed himself to his feet in one big breath
Started walking away, feeling no regret
The folded letter on his chest pressed to his heart
So no matter what, they would not fall apart.

Mangled bodies on the ground no one left to spare
The horror was enough to turn a gray hair
Once again he fell when he seen a man
His gun cocked up, knowing the plan.

The soldier looked to the sky, crying again
Up to the heavens, soon meeting his friends
He stared the bullet in the eye, flying with a hiss
“Just like I promised Ma, I’ll be home for Christmas”

Monday, April 5, 2010

April 6th 2010

They walked side by side, not a word spoken.
Just the sounds of the beach, the crashing waves and sand under their bare feet.
The sounds of the bonfire could be heard, but only a muffle.
He looked over his shoulder, seeing the blazing light, but wanted no part in it.
She held her shoes in one hand, her eyes casting down to her feet, watching them sink in the dampness.
Her fine lips pressed together as she looked up at him. He was looked at her too.
Her cheeks flushed, the moon reflecting off the water, shining on her face.
He smiled, so slightly. She was beautiful to him. The way the stars shone, was nothing compares to her eyes
She moved a bit closer, so the backs of their hands touched.
His finger lifted to touch hers. But it wasn't enough.
He moved his whole hand, feeling the warmth of her skin sit in the palm of his hand.
She looked down at their hands. His was rough, but so gentle.
Her lips curved again, letting a slight smile slip.

They walked side by side, for far too long.
They were alone, no one else in sight.
She turned to face the water, while he turned to face her.
She could feel his stare, it made her heart throb.
She bit on her lip, just the corner, turning her head slowly to face him.
He was smiling at her again. Not a large smile.
A soft smile. A comforting one.
His hand moved around her waist and she immediately found a place against his body.
Her head leaned against his chest. Her hands in fists, nesting by her cheeks.
He started to hum, her favourite song.
Her heart fluttered in her chest.

They swayed in the sand, nothing but them and the moon.
Their bodies, moved as one. Moving left to right.
She closed her eyes, never wanted this moment to end.
But his hand moved up her back, moving close to her face.
She looked up to him, his hand resting on her cheek.
He moved his face down to hers, his breath lingering on her lips.
She moved her face closer to feel the longing touch of his kiss.

She waited to feel their lips merge, but the cold wind caressed her skin.
She opened her eyes to see his image fading away.
He backed away from her, his body now transparent.
She called his name, but he couldn't respond.
She ran after him, but he moved further away.
Her lip began to quiver, tears welling up in her eyes.

She stirred in her bed, waking up slowly.
Her cheeks were wet, stained with tears started from a dream.
A silly dream. A stupid dream.
She sat up, wiping her face, like every other morning.
He haunted her dreams every night.
Waking her in the morning with a broken heart.
She was once happy dreaming about him. But now, it made her one way love hurt.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

formspring.me

Who's the sexiest man alive?

Ah hm. Jake. He'll never see this so I think I'm safe. Haah
But if I went for celebs. Well, I would say Hugh Laurie, and Gerard Butler.
Oh god! Travis Wall. Shane Dawson... hmm I'm done.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Have you broken any bones? If so, how?

Wow. Okay. Let's start into this. The first bone I broke was my ankle. I fell off the monkey bars at school in 3rd grade. I'm trying to think which one, and I can't remember. After that, I broke my tailbone on a trampoline. I fell within the springs. Also, I've had many stress fractures in both my feet, which sounds not so bad, but, hurts like shiiiiiit.

Ask me anything

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Lost and Found

This was written when someone.. who was... important to me told me he was on his death bed. I know it's not that great. But it was something just to help relieve pain from myself.

I waited for you all night, all day
You told me you had something to say.
I told you I could never live without you,
With that you replied, you just may have to.

I couldn't believe what I had just read
I could feel my heart, pound in my head.
My chest it ripped, it started to throb,
I didn't realize, I had started to sob.

I'm losing my mind, complete control.
My body is weak, so is my soul.
I just can't comprehend that you may leave,
So here I am, down on my knees.

Believe me when I tell you I love you,
No matter what happens, that will stay true.
I always be, your baby, your angel.
I love you forever, passed death, until..


Cause I can't live without you
Breathe without you
Baby I need you by my side
I can't bear the thought of losing you,
That feeling just wont hide.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

January 31st, 2010

And I ask myself..

Will you be the one I go to, when time is on my side
Will you be around, and come along for the ride.
Are you willing to wait for me?
For that moment when I will be free?
Can I have my trust in you.
And allow my love to be true.

This time, right now, we know it's wrong.
But each night- for you, my heart stays strong.
For the day that we will see,
that you and I
We-
should be we.
Not alone, a feeling so dead.
For you are the only memory I want in my head.

And so, each night I ask myself.

Will you wait for me.
Can I trust in thee.
Or do I waste time, and know...
you may never be mine.